Settle our account...

Sigh... Just recieved her sms... asked me to discard her clothes or do whatever I want to with it.... sound as if I hate her so much.... I don't want to reply her sms. Cause that will result in further quarrel... although we decided to break up, but I try not to hurt her in anyway.

Coin has two side... same as love.... if u dun love a person... it will turn to hate.

Can't she recall our sweet, loving moments? I've been thinking of them all the while...

I put myself into her position and think, that's why I agree to let her go.

But why must she be so fed up with me? Hate me so much?

And she said I dun worth her love, is it ture? Am I really so bad?

Why? WHY? Why? suddenly I also cannot function normally.

Will she be back? Will she come back to me again? I need to know the answer.

In a relationship, both of us need to give and take. Am I always taking and not giving? I always thought that I've been giving quiet a lot. But according to her, I didn't....

I'm confuse...

Take care to myself.
I going crazy soon...

Why so Fed up?

I just sms her and wanted to get back my keys.... and pass her the things belongs to her....
She said she's really busy this week. why? what so busy?
Dunno.... Maybe I'm too petty. too good in imagine things...always think this... think that?

Damn... She is not my gf anymore... why I still care so much and shouldnt get jealous... rite?

See when she wanna meet me then...

How to maintain a relationship?

These 3 wks, I've been asking myself, actually how to maintain a relationship? How should I treat my partner?
I guess what I'm going to write down here still not the perfect answer, if not... SHE will not leave me...

My freinds always say that I've a good personality, but sometimes I behave too flirty. But I only flirt with my words... not in any action...

I guess when we slowly drifted away... I over look the important issue. which is making my partner to be my best friend. She got to know everything of me and must be the first one to inform. When we are together for too long, I tend to treat it as... SHE will understand... she will know why I cant do this, why I need to do this and things like that.

Being MCP and a selfish person, I urge her to understand how I feel, put herself into my shose. Where I usually did not really think in her point of view. I always influence her and having a thought that, she will think like me.... have similar thinking.

All of us brought up in a different way. Therefore no matter how much I tried to influence her, we still think differently and I missed this whole part. Thinking that she will UNDERSTAND...... Her future BF. PLEASE.. When ever you do or say something to her, THINK, think of how she will feel. She is very weak inside. Pamper her more k????

When times goes by, somehow I did not spend quality time and try to continue the sparks. That's why she feel that the feeling is gone and she lost the excitement seeing me. I used to make her laugh, everyday, every minute she see me. Slowly, this has faded. Well... I deserve what she do to me. A break up.

And I really think what she said is not too strong. I DON'T DESERVE THE WAY SHE TREAT ME. Because I took her for granted.

Having her around is just like a daily activity, something we must do daily, like eat and sleep.... That's how I become not sensitive towards her, compare to we just started. I'm sorry.

Once again, I hurt u.... and I get hurt too.

Like I sent her a powerpoint, anger and advise.... the scar is there.

I hurt her in my act and she hurt me with her words. Those words are really very strong poison... Very bitter... make my heart bleed.

Will she still treat me as a friend?

important thing is to make your partner to be your best friend.she is the first one to know everything.spend quality timetry to continue the sparks. let her know how happy she's around youmake her laugh everytime you see her, without fail.thats what a girl want from her partnersense of security, happiness, and love

Horoscope

Before I forget....
Actually last week I got a very strong sense that she will leave me...
I read her horoscope, and it show



Filing and sorting doesn't just apply to email andoffice work, you know. Right now you're about to beginthe process of evaluating your relationships. Yourtime's been taken up by the trivial too long. It'stime to figure out who's truly valuable and who's anacquaintance. Go ahead and have high standards; somepeople won't make the cut because they're not terriblyreliable or can't keep up with you. Those who do,however, are friends you will have for life.



Some times I dun believe in horoscope... but this is so accurate. sigh....

Ma Ma Boy?

My mum actually worry about me... afraid that I will get very hurt in this break up. Honestly I still think that she will be more hurt in this break up. Like she said, at least I got my mum, god sister Jessie, pong, ah ping and some others who willing to listen to my problems.

What about HER? I guess she got limited or may not have anyone who she can talk to. A heart to heart talk. Sorry for making u lost all your friends. I know you always put me in Number 1 therefore u neglected your friends.

Anyway, my mother know that somethings is wrong with US and I told her that SHE wanted to break up.

Suprisingly, my mum also think that I'm in the wrong, casue i did not try to win her heart back 2 weeks ago. She wish that we still can be friend.

My whole family love her, treat her like a family member. My mum always wish that she can recover ASAP and able to find someone better than her son....

SXXT am I really so bad??????? Sigh....

Once again, good luck to her. I will not disturb her anymore. Give her time to recover.

Another Sms?

I rem few years ago, when I broke up with Step. I still treat her as a normal friend and I sms her daily, hope that she will be happy and things like that... But ended up hated by Step......
This time, I do the same thing to HER and she behave slightly like Step, ignore my sms. Perhaps, she do not know what to reply... As I only sms those regards cute cute message.

Anyway I should not be bothering her that often, I can feel that she is not feeling good inside her heart.

Last three weeks, whenever our sweet memories flashing back in my mind, my heart felt like tearing apart. Is really painful. Looking at the letters, cards and gifts that given by her, my eyes actually filled with tears. But as a man, who can I show it to? How can I tell others that actually I'm very weak inside.

I fully understand how tired is she and I cannot be so selfish, keep telling her that I still love her and care for her. This is extremely selfish, does she love me? YES, I'm sure that she does, in fact maybe she love me more than what i think. Therefore, I will cut down on sms, e mails or I'd say, I will not contact her often. I hope that, with this act her mind can be more peaceful and be able to function better in her work, daily love or her new love life.

Such a perfect girl can have a new relationship very soon, maybe in weeks? she will have a better BF.

I'm really sorry for neglecting her, especially those few months when we always have MY family day.

Spelling Mistake

Saw some post being published last night, or rather this morning... there are some error in spelling... sigh... mean while just let it be the way it is....
maybe months or years later, when my English improved... I will change them....
now I just wanna keep everything as what it was...
no changes... keep as part of my memories

What Do I expect in my life?

Before she break off with me. What do I want? actually is a very simple life.
Have a stable job, stable in come, got a lovely wife, which I guess was SHE....
A very simple and easy life. Bring her along to anywhere I go.
Was planning working in SG for 5 years, got my degree in SIM then go either UK or AUS to work.
Also dream that, I can bring her to other countries for tour, like what my dad used to do to us.
Go to Japan, the State and Europe.

Now should be the time to wake up from my dream.

Both of us are changing and like she said, we drifted away. All the while, both of us just carry on walking, did not spend time to stop our foot and take a closer look to our foot steps. Perhaps she did and she hinted me, but I didn't get the hints or I'd say that I take them too lightly, result in breaking up today. I'm very regret now. But Will she forgive me and get back together? From what I know about her, she won't. I'm glad that she got her freedom back.

Disappointed because I cannot walk together with her anymore in our life long journy. But I treasure all the precious moments we had together. SHE is such a lovely girl, I guess I cannot find someone better than her in the future.

Now I need to stand up and carry on my own journy right now. Giving myself 5 years to see how far I can go in nursing. Call me Gaylord Focker Patrick.

Take a look at myself in the mirror.

I can't believe that, I actually created a blog...
Guess I'm really too sad and depressed.
Too many things inside my mind and can't share with anyone.
Anyway I can't sleep. Therefore, I start writting another blog.

Last sat, SHE said many things to me.... when I heard them from her, I felt so hurt.
After 3 days and this morning she said she wanted to break up.
I had a closer look into the mirror and see what kind of person am I?

She said till this relationship is wasting her time and she gave up lots of things including friends for me. I'm sorry for being MCP, but I do give up on other things as well. In a relationship, both parties got to give and take. I guess I failed in this part.

I'm not as sensitive as usual. Not fast enough to observe what she wants.

I simpily cannot find any words to descript my feeling right now.

After Step broke off with me few years back. I learned to be calm and relax this time.
But ended up getting scolded by HER, I seems to be very relaxing. Does she knows how much I love her?
I just do not want to keep disturbing her, giving her more free time to cool down and think.

I guess I'm wrong, as a man, I should meet up with her earlier and settle this. Anyway, I wish that she can find someone who's better than me and treasure her more than me.

I pampered her alot, so her next bf, YOU MUST take care of her more, listen to her problems, NOT ONLY JUST LISTEN, must listen with your heart. She needs a lot of attention, give your 100% to her. Do not cheat her.

I sweared that I won't make her cry, but I fail, so I hope there's someone out there, who can love her and take care of her, NEVER MAKE her cry.

I still love you.

hope we can still be friend.

Old Car

Spent 380 in repairing my G100GS today....
wat an old car...
keep giving me problem...
even break down on my BD, 22/08/05.
thanks leh....

How I wish to scrap my car...

if by scrapping it, SHE will return...

I dun mind doing so...

Am I too relaxing?

Almost 12 mid nite. 27 sep, a day to rem....
This wk, I tring to win her heart back, but seems like, wat I predict is correct.
She's won't listen to any of my explaination.
After I sent her an apologise sms, she replied and said wanna break up.

Last thursday, she asked me, why am I so relaxing? Perhaps, to her I seems to be bo chap....
But actually is not. I really love her, care about her. Just that all the while, in the past 3 years 7 months, whenever we get into any conflict, I'm the person who initial a peace talk. This time round, I choose to let her calm down and think. And this make her think that I'm relax.

Does she know how hurt am I when I heard that, my heart just broke into fragment. Sigh...

No matter what, I still love her as usual, I'll respect her decision, hope that after breaking up with me, she can find a better bf.